Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
