remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
