I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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