i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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