dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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