New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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