Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
