I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
