So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
