Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
