Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
