So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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