Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
