I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
