the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
