did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
