did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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