yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
