what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize