I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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