Say something about gay babies.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
