who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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