I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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