Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
