She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
