Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
