What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is it because I queefed?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
