So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
