I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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