11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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