this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
