If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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