The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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