I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize