i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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