Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
