Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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