He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
