Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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