I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
