U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
