you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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