i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
