The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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