Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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