hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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