doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
