Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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