ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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