i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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