i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
