So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
