he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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