Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
