We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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