You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
