If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
