I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
