the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
