Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
