Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
