If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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