Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
