Your face is a jimmy john
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
