whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
