explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
