so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
