I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
