Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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